A few rules for Super Bowl party pig-out

Friends and family members who'll attend my Super Bowl XL extravaganza might not want to read this, but their XXXL host has been brushing up on how to throw a healthy pigskin party.

Consider it a Nutritional Food-bowl League "chompionship" shindig this year.

OK, maybe not. But for health's sake, I'll start by only referring to a football as a football and not as a pigskin. After all, this reference could trigger Jerome "The Double-Wide Bus" Bettis look-alike dieters (namely, yours truly) into pigging out on all the bacon-wrapped hot dogs and pork rinds before the first commercial break.

Even noshing NFL fans could agree that that would be considered unhealthy. Plus, per official Super Bowl party rules, any food devoured in its entirety before the second commercial break must result in an illegal munching penalty.

A few other rules reminders:

• Sorry, Steelers, but consuming Seahawks — a high-points food according to somebody who once attended Weight Watchers — is considered a personal "fowl" and is even more egregious than bad poultry puns.

• Tasting hors-d'oeuvres, snacks and treats (even if you brought 'em) before the host has had a chance to do a quality-control check is deemed a false start.

• Grabbing the bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and not letting go until only crumbs are left is a "hoarding" violation.

• Downing a dozen or more slices of pizza and/or Buffalo wings in any combination is offensive "engorgement."

• And, lastly but certainly not leastly, double-dipping in the shrimp dip and mango salsa is a serious illegal contact infraction.

Rule-breakers will be assessed a five-yards-away-from-the-spread penalty.

Of course, nutritional know-it-alls have a few rules suggestions of their own. Their game plan is to help curb Americans' avaricious appetites on this day when many viewers will snarf up a Thanksgiving Day-ish 3,000-plus calories. That, according to registered dietitian Robyn Flipse, who told USA Today "the Super Bowl coincides with the official end of New Year's resolutions."

Unless, that is, you resolved to start eating like a lineman.

Joe Montana, the former Super Bowl MVP and current SBP (Spokesman for Blood Pressure), suggests trimming the fat with some "kick-off kabobs" made of skinless chicken. (He made no mention of a Jerry Rice side dish.)