Although many people in Salt Lake say they are untouched by the religious divide, it is very real — although largely unspoken — for many others. A huge number struggle to negotiate the religious divide on a daily basis at work, at school, in social settings, and — perhaps most difficult — in their own families. Said one participant, "Salt Lake City is like the South was. This town is divided, except it is divided by religious affiliation rather than skin color. It controls who we hang out with. Who we date. Who we marry. But I would never say it out loud." Said another, "I listen to radio shows and hear people trying to be polite. They are so worried that what they have to say could hurt someone that they decide they don't have pain to express or axes to grind. But the divide is there in hundreds of engagements every day."

Many participants talked poignantly about their struggle to negotiate the divide in their own families. This included both Mormon and other individuals with relatives who were "on the other side of the divide," as well as individuals who had converted to the LDS Church and individuals who had chosen to leave the church. Describing the tensions in her own family, one participant asked, "How do I negotiate this sense of division in my own family. My family is where I go for love." One participant observed, "When family members choose to live on opposite sides of the divide, it can result in anger, losses and estrangement within families that span generations." Reflecting a sentiment that was widely felt, another said, "All families need more help to keep their families closer when there is a religious divide within the family."

"Salt Lake City is like the South was. This town is divided, except it is divided by religious affiliation rather than skin color. Who we date. Who we marry. But I would never say it out loud."

Equally poignant were the stories of individuals who feel the divide runs right through them individually. Said one person, "I come from the outside and the inside." Said another, "I am tired of trying to be both in a place that wants me to be one or the other. I am somewhere part of both sides and I just want to be free. Please, just let me be both without putting me in a box."

The divide causes a lot of pain

"How do I negotiate this sense of division in my own family. My family is where I go for love."

Painful stories abound on all sides of the divide. Some stories are about simple incidents, but the feelings beneath them run deep. For the story-tellers, hurt and sadness have often morphed to anger and anger has hardened into long simmering resentment, or into apathy. "My child was shunned because of her beliefs." "My office mates don't invite me to their parties." "I hear remarks when my back is turned." "My aunt quit speaking to me." "I didn't dare reveal my beliefs." "No one waves in my neighborhood when they drive by." "It was clear I wasn't welcome."