Watch what sets off tantrums

Question: How early does one see behavior patterns that need changing? Do we see tantrum-like behavior as early as 3 to 4 months? At 1 week, this now 8-month-old girl would scream for the entire journey when placed in a car seat. Recently, she has caused herself to vomit after screaming and raging.

She continues to fight any daytime sleep, but evening routines are generally good — bath, breastfeeding and sleep with a background noise. After a proper sleep, she is happy, alert, delightful and very active. — M.J., Richmond, Calif.

Answer: It's hard to know what your baby was screaming about at a week of age. If the crying started as soon as the car got going, and stopped when it did, might she have had motion sickness? And of course an 8-month-old — ready to creep and crawl — will hate her car seat.

It's not easy to remain calm when a child tops off her raging with vomiting. But if you can remain calm when she fights, her tantrums may not last as long. Can you help her find a comforting toy or "lovey" to hug to help herself calm down? Use it whenever she gets upset so she can learn to rely on it to comfort herself rather than melting down. It will take time and patience.

Your little girl sounds feisty and determined — too excited about her world to give in to sleep during the day. But keep track of her tantrums to see what sets them off now. She may be especially sensitive to movement, sights or sounds, become easily overstimulated and need a soothing routine like your bedtime rituals to help her settle down.

Question: What do you do with a 7-year-old boy who goes to bed and goes to sleep but wakens during the night and refuses to calm down anywhere but his mother's bed? He does not have bad dreams or nightmares, but he has the whole household awake unless he sleeps with his mother. She takes him into a spare bedroom and everybody calms down. — Name and address withheld

Answer: More information can help in sorting out a sleep problem. What time does the child go to bed? When during the night does he wake up? When did the problem start and what was going on at that time, or has the child never slept through the night alone? Might the mother have her understandable reasons for being unable to separate from him at night now? How is he doing otherwise, and is he independent in other ways?