Confess your stress

I'm only 14 years old, but I feel stressed out all the time. I'm used to getting really good grades, but now I can't even concentrate in school or at home. How do I find some psychiatric help without my parents knowing? — Victoria, 14, Jackson, Miss.

I'm sorry to hear you feel so stressed. I wonder why you don't want your parents to know that you'd like help coping. Often, the people who are used to looking after everyone else (and don't like to burden anyone with their problems) are the same people who get really stressed out from carrying so much responsibility.

If that sounds like you, I'd really encourage you to go against your nature and tell your parents how stressed you are so they can help you find a counselor. You might even find that confiding in your parents will relieve a lot of your stress — sometimes just sharing your feelings can make them seem less overwhelming.

But if there's some other reason you absolutely can't tell your parents, then talk to your school's guidance counselor. She will be able to refer you to a counselor that will see you at a rate you can afford (it might even be free). I hope you feel better soon.

For winter vacation, I have a month off. A friend of mine is going away, and I'm not allowed to go with her. So I lied and told my parents that I get to go to Chicago to talk about my school (which I've done before). But I'm going to Puerto Rico with my friend instead. I would tell the truth, but I'm 18, and I don't get to go away on vacations without my parents. Plus, I'm in too deep. Is it totally wrong to lie, or should I not go and tell the truth? — Karyme, 18, Bronx, N.Y.

I think you already know the answer. If you go through with this lie, are you going to call your parents from Puerto Rico and tell them about your great speech in Chicago? How many more lies will you have to tell them to keep up the charade?

Not to preach, but this will really drive a wedge into your relationship. Plus, the odds of them finding out the truth seem really high. As much as it sucks to have to skip the trip, fess up before it's too late. The trip is just a few weeks of your life, but the lie could destroy a trust that might take years to rebuild — not worth it.

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Questions may be sent directly to Atoosa Rubenstein at: dearseventeen@hearst.com. Atoosa Rubenstein, the founding editor of CosmoGirl! magazine, is the editor in chief of Seventeen magazine. © King Features Syndicate Inc.