Protect family from abusive dad

Dear Annie: I am in my late 20s and have been happily married for more than five years. Here is the problem:

My parents divorced when I was little, and my father is an alcoholic. Ever since I can remember, he would call me on the phone, drunk and rambling so much that by the end of the call, I would be in tears. The past couple of years he's gotten worse. He is verbally abusive, calling me names and telling me how stupid I am, but in the same breath, crying that I am the only thing in his life.

I have tried to stand up to him, and it only has made things worse. He tells me that his miserable life is all my fault and that he doesn't have a drinking problem.

Annie, this is killing me and my marriage. I am ready to start a family, and I do not want Dad to have any contact with my future kids until he can get sober. I have tried the help groups and have had counselors talk to the rest of my relatives. I don't know what else to do other than to move away from my family. — Sober Only Child

Dear Sober: You cannot change your father's behavior, but you can work on changing your reaction to his emotional abuse, and if that means keeping your future children away from family gatherings where Dad is present, then don't be afraid to do it. It sounds as if your family has been enabling Dad long enough.

We don't know which help groups you have tried, but please look into Adult Children of Alcoholics (adultchildren. org) at P.O. Box 3216, Torrance, CA 90510.

Dear Annie: I have three sisters and one brother, and we all live in the same retirement community. We all are in our 70s, and our spouses are living.

This place has many activities. You can do most anything whether or not you are skilled at it. We play golf, even though we are terrible at it, we go to the swimming pool, even though we don't really swim, but we all have a great time, and all activities are free.

However, one sister refuses to participate in any activity, whether or not her husband joins us. "Bessie" always has an excuse — she's not feeling well, it's too hot, too cold, too windy. We only have a few years left, and we would love to get her to spend more time with us. Do you have any ideas? — Miss Her in Tampa, Fla.