Boyfriend, girlfriend add up to tension

Dear Harlan: I have been seeing someone for a little more than two months, and I recently brought up the issue of us becoming boyfriend/girlfriend. He then expressed that he is not fond of titles.

I, on the other hand, like the title, as I feel it is a way of professing that you are truly fond of the other person. I gave in after holding my ground for several days and said that we would just "see" one another, or in other words, continue to date. I'm not happy about it. I can't figure out if the relationship is doomed. I feel as though he might have issues with commitment, but he has told me he does not want to see anyone else.

Is this a relationship I should pursue, or should I take his non-fondness of titles as a sign that he is unsure of me? This whole thing just says red flag to me. Help! — Just Dating

Dear Just Dating: I agree — titles absolutely have meaning. The title "fiancee" says soon-to-be wife. The title "girlfriend" means monogamous partner. The title "ex-boyfriend" means boy who can't commit to giving you the title of girlfriend.

Before calling it quits, figure out what you are to him. Ask him these questions: What is my role in your life? What does having the title "girlfriend" mean? If his definition of being a girlfriend matches the role you play in his life, you'll know what you are to him.

Once you establish this (man, this relationship is already a lot of work), ask him why he is so reluctant to call you what you are — his girlfriend. If that's asking too much, ask yourself if you deserve better (you do).

If achieving the title of girlfriend is this much work, the road ahead to the land of "fiancee" and "wife" will be exhausting. While you might not be his "girlfriend," that doesn't mean he can't become your "ex-boyfriend."

Dear Harlan: The other day I was at my girlfriend's house, and while she went out I flipped through her photo album. I know that it may seem wrong, but what I found there has me worried. There were photos of her ex-fiance. Lots of them.

To top it off there were also actual wedding proposal photos. This has had me troubled ever since, because if he really is her ex-fiance and she loves me now, what the heck are all those photos of the ex doing in the album? Should I be concerned that I will be forever in his shadow? — Outside the Album

Dear Outside the Album: She's probably a saver. Savers don't distinguish what is saved — they keep the good, the bad, the sad. Miserable still means memorable. Her only mistake was leaving you alone.