The cleaner the house, the meaner the mom

Have you noticed that the cleaner your home gets, the fussier you are with your family?

Back in the '80s, when I first used the "Sidetracked Sisters" system, I was a royal pain in the backside. If anything was out of order, I would get upset and throw a fit.

I realize that I was under a lot of stress to make sure the house was clean, but that was no excuse to be ugly to my child.

He is grown now, and I have asked for his forgiveness for my attitude problem. I don't think I hurt him emotionally, but I hurt myself. The result would be that I would have so much guilt about yelling, that I would fall back into my sidetracked ways.

Being sidetracked is not always a bad thing. We are happy-go-lucky and spontaneous people. Our children are well-adjusted and able to cope with most things, because they had to be. As a result of the guilt we have had — because of wanting to be perfect and not accomplishing this — we changed our attitude.

Before, when our child would spill milk, we would say, "Oh, it is just milk, let's clean it up, sweetie."

Now the spilled milk is a pimple on our unblemished home. We don't want to go back to that messy home. This fear is what is making us lash out at our babies. We have to release this fear.

Now that you have your routines down, your home will never be like that again. Even if you slip, you know how to get back on track. It takes a few simple steps and you will have your unblemished home back. You now know that this system works.

You are the heart and lifeblood of your home. You set the attitude for everyone. If you are fussy, your family will be fussy. If you release your fear and learn to roll with the ups and downs of raising babies, the smile will come back to your face.

In fact, I want you to practice that lovely smile of yours. One of my 11 commandments is to smile, even if you don't feel like it.

The next time you catch yourself starting to say an ugly thing to your children after an accident, I want you to stop and tell them that you made a mistake before and it's OK. Then I want you to smile that big toothy grin and give them a great big hug, and after that teach them how to clean it up.

It is up to you to take responsibility for your fussy attitude and put a stop to it. There is no excuse for saying ugly things to your babies or your Sweet Darling, not even PMS. This is your mouth, and harmful words are hard to take back. So cut it out now!

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Marla Cilley, a k a FlyLady, is the author of Sink Reflections (Bantam Books Trade Paperback). For more help, please go to her Web site: www.FlyLady.net. © 2005