Clear the air over accident

Dear Abby: I was in a car accident two months ago. My best friend, "Heather," was driving. We grew up together and refer to each other as sisters. We were both under the influence, and I was so intoxicated I didn't realize how smashed Heather was. Anyway, I was really banged up in the accident. She got away without a scratch.

For an entire week after the accident, Heather never once came to see how I was doing. It wasn't until after I was practically healed that she stopped by my house. Sometimes when I see her, I still feel angry at her — or some emotion I can't put my finger on. I don't know if I still blame her or what. But now that I have healed, she doesn't want to talk about the incident, and I can't say anything because it makes her uncomfortable. But don't you think I am the victim here?

It is almost to the point where I don't want to be around her. After 20 years of having Heather in my life, I think I can survive without ever speaking to her again. What should I do? — Lost in San Mateo, Calif.

Dear Lost: For the sake of your 20-year friendship, clear the air and say what's on your mind — including the fact that you felt betrayed when Heather failed to see you after the accident. She may have felt too guilty to face you.

There are times when saying "I'm sorry" and "I'll never drink and drive again" may seem inadequate. And yet, those things are exactly what need to be said — and you need to hear them — regardless of whether or not the subject makes Heather uncomfortable. For your own peace of mind, please do it soon. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Dear Abby: I am the mother of four children (ages 6, 4, 3 and 2 months). About a year ago, I gave my dad and stepmom temporary custody of my older kids so I could get my life together. During that time, I have gotten a job and found a great man. The fourth baby was not planned.

I plan on moving to a larger place in February when my lease is up, and then getting my older three kids back. My question is: My stepmom says that my other children won't understand about the new baby and the fact that he can live with Mommy and they can't. So they have not seen him or Mommy since he was born. I'm not sure it is right to keep him from them. Who is right? —Concerned Mom in Missouri