Survival tips for students

Attention, college students: Do not put aluminum foil in your microwaves.

Don't cook in your dorm rooms. Don't store toxic materials in your apartment.

All common sense, you say, but those are actual tips from the American Society of Safety Engineers.

The ASSE is one of many groups that, this time of year, send out teasers to reporters who are looking to write back-to-school stories.

The American Academy of Allergy, Asthma & Immunology (yes, the AAAAI), reminds college students to clean and dust their rooms "often" — yeah, right.

I have not, however, heard from the likes of an American Society of Advocates for Common Sense Among College Students.

If the ASACSACS actually existed, I imagine their tips for students would include some of the following (in no particular order of importance):

Don't max the credit card or deliberately bounce checks. Remember, you need to nurture your tender, young credit history.

Learn to look for loose change in the cracks of chairs and couches.

In a culinary pinch, combine any available condiments with bread products that have not yet gone moldy; heat and serve.

Don't take morning classes if you're not a morning person — come to think of it, morning classes should be banned, period.

Shop around for the best deals on required reading — think Internet. It could be the difference between $100 and $10 for the same book.

Find out which students have spending accounts fueled by rich parents and become their best friends.

Get an internship.

Get to know your professors and don't be afraid to challenge them on their opinions and methods of grading — remember, it's your future.

Lock your door after spiriting a pizza into your room.

Learn the location of your school's medical facilities.

Oh, and don't heat your spaghetti in a can with a blowtorch, or at least don't do it while your roommate clears the line on the propane tank.

The ASSE inspired that last one.

We all have lapses in judgment.