Grandkids need your loving care

Dear Annie: My son and his wife are in the process of getting a divorce. The problem is that the children, both toddlers, are being neglected. This was going on even before the divorce. The mother would leave as soon as my son got home from work. He'd come in the door and have to take care of the children, fix dinner, give baths, etc. She went out to taverns and saw guys on the side.

Many times, my husband and I had to go out and buy groceries because there was no food in the house. We would clean because the house was filthy. My son is going through a heavy depression.

The problem is, neither my son nor daughter-in-law really wants the children, so they are asking for shared custody. Right now, when it's my son's turn to take them, he gives them to us. When it's the mother's turn, she often puts them in the YMCA baby-sitting program., even though she is supposed to bring them to us when she needs a sitter. She also is defying a court order by bringing her male friends to spend the night when the kids are at her place. This is very confusing for the children.

The youngest child was very emotionless when he began coming to our home, but he's starting to come out of his shell. The 3-year-old girl is acting out a lot and is difficult to control.

My husband and I love these children to pieces, but we are in our 60s, and I'm afraid of what might happen if we end up with them. What if we die before they are grown? Is there a way that our other, more responsible children could gain custody? I hate to see these children tossed aside like so much garbage. —Susan in Indiana

Dear Susan: Our hearts are breaking for these innocent children who are caught between two immature parents. They need you.

Your son and his soon-to-be-ex may be quite willing to give up custody of these children altogether, if you are willing to absorb the financial burden. That would allow you to assign your other children as legal guardians in case of your death. If that is not an option, you might find support and suggestions through AARP (aarp.org/grandparents).

Dear Annie: I have a new friend who lives nearby. She is widowed like me and eager for us to do things together. However, when she invited me over to her house, the smell was overwhelming. At first, I thought she needed to wash the carpets, but when I drove with her in her car, I smelled the same odor. Now I'm pretty sure the smell is emanating from her dog.