He's baaaaack! Are Jazz this desperate for a center?

Please. Tell me I'm dreaming.

The bungled put-backs. The courtside arguments with Jerry Sloan.

The out-of-shape appearances at training camp.

And those quick-release front teeth.

It can be none other. If the news reports prove true, wacky Greg Ostertag is returning to the Jazz as a result of a three-team player swap with Memphis and Sacramento. But the real nightmare is they'll be giving up second-year guard Kirk Snyder so they can get reacquainted with the Big O-No!

Is this an alternate universe? A young, strong, athletic guard for a backup center who averaged 1.6 points and three rebounds last year. A former Jazz center whose injuries and indifference cost him 26 games in Sacramento.

Worse yet, a guy who actually agreed to show up at a Kings rally and dance in a Speedo.

Are the Jazz really this desperate for a center? They may as well sign Mark Eaton. He's only 48, with a cranky back. At least they'd know when he suited up he'd be serious about playing.

It could be argued the Jazz had no viable options at backup center. Mehmet Okur is the likely starter, but he does his best work outside the paint. Beyond that, they may prefer playing Okur at forward. So there's a chance 'Tag could start.

In either case, since Ostertag left, the Jazz have had little inside presence. (That happened a lot when he was here, too.)

By bringing him back, they'll have a player who can affect games with his defense and rebounding — when the mood strikes. Ostertag has admitted he doesn't have a clue when his good days are coming.

If he doesn't know, who does?

Meanwhile, Ostertag can be goofy as a fake mustache. What else would motivate someone to goad Shaquille O'Neal into slapping him upside the head? And don't forget the night he grossed out the Houston bench when his false teeth went skidding toward the sidelines.

On the bright side, they never removed that I-15 billboard for the kidney foundation that features Ostertag's flat-topped head staring back.

The bigger concern, though, is the Jazz gave up on Snyder. He too had a problem or two with Sloan. The difference was that Ostertag gabbled back. At least publicly, Snyder was contrite after being reprimanded for taunting opponents after a dunk. Snyder also made headlines for getting into a fistfight with Jerry Stackhouse on the arena loading docks in Dallas.