Sister-in-law driving wedge between new parents

The sisters always have been best friends. The two of them ended up giving the baby her first bath, taking her on her first stroll, her first trip to my mother-in-law's, lots of "firsts," while I am left out. I would like Leora to go home, so my wife and I can enjoy our baby's accomplishments.

I was hoping my wife would realize what was going on, but I fear she took my passivity as indifference. At one point I told her how I felt, and she said she understood, but things haven't really changed. Meanwhile, I have gotten reports from friends and family that Leora talks behind my back, questioning my parenting skills since she "always has to do everything." Worse, my wife says similar things about me to others.

Sex is almost nonexistent, and not from lack of interest on my part. When I try to discuss it or ask why she's never in the mood, she says nothing is wrong. But obviously there is.

I believe we are both good parents, and we provide a decent home. So, how do I get my wife to realize that her relationship with her sister has driven a wedge between us? And how do I do it in such a way that there is no animosity between all of us? —Mister Sister Blues

Dear Sister Blues: Leora has become a convenient way for your wife to avoid you, both sexually and emotionally. Worry less about offending Leora and more about the health of your marriage. Tell your wife in plain English that you are unhappy, and ask her to go with you for counseling. (Don't wait until Leora walks Alice down the aisle at her wedding.)

Dear Annie: My fiance and I will be married at the end of the summer. We are planning a small backyard wedding with family and a few close friends.

My fiance has an ex-wife with whom he has maintained a good relationship. They have an 18-year-old son together. While I am glad they get along, this woman is not really my cup of tea, and I don't see myself as her "friend." My fiance wants to invite the ex and her new husband to our wedding.

Although the ex is around regularly for birthdays and holidays, I really don't want her there on our special day. She never does anything horribly wrong, but she throws out little comments like, "We'll always be family," and gets bossy to me in my own home. Any advice? —New Bride

Dear New Bride: It would be nice if your groom chose to exclude his bossy ex- wife at your wedding. It's your day, and you shouldn't have to worry about her.