Experts on Friday decried the notion that violence of any form — emotional or physical — has any connection to love.

"It is never, ever done in the name of love to help alleviate the pain of the victim," Farmer said.

Ned Searle, with the Office on Violence Against Women and Families, agreed. "It has nothing to do with love but plenty to do with life and death."

Many times, as in Lori Hacking's case, domestic violence goes virtually unnoticed, or perhaps unspoken, among even those closest to the victims.

During her 4 1/2- month marriage, Sarah Southerland, Utah Domestic Violence Council member and domestic abuse survivor, only went to the hospital once, when she needed stitches to patch together a bleeding foot.

"The other times I just bled quietly at home," Southerland said. "I put make-up on to cover the bruises and wore long sleeves. I had a black eye I think almost every week in our marriage for four-and-a-half months."

And despite the warning signs both she and her family members saw early on, it wasn't until her husband made her take out a $350,000 life insurance policy that she realized her life was in danger and she left her husband. Now, 10 years later, Southerland hopes to stand as a symbol that victims can become survivors and show young girls and boys that any abuse is too much.

"It's not a matter of waiting to be beaten with a bat — or waiting until your life is in jeopardy — to decide that it's too much abuse, but to not put up with it to begin with," she said.

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Contributing: Natalie Clemens

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E-mail: awelling@desnews.com