Build self-esteem by getting involved

I have low self-esteem. I'm so self-conscious and shy. Everybody tells me I'm beautiful, but that doesn't make me feel better. Even when I go shopping with my mom, I see all of these beautiful, skinny, perfect-looking girls, and then I look at myself and all I want to do is sit in the car. I hate myself for feeling this way. Is there any advice you can give me? — Jessica, 15, San Antonio, Texas

As sad as your letter makes me, I'm also really excited, because I know I can help you. I was in your situation too, and the one thing I can promise you about what you're feeling is that it has nothing to do with how you look:

Even if you were somehow voted Most Beautiful Girl in the World, it wouldn't make a difference in how you feel about yourself. We need to work from the inside out. Once you start to respect and appreciate things about yourself, you will start to feel proud. That's the seed that gives birth to confidence — being proud of yourself. So let's start giving you things to be proud of. (This plan is what worked for me!)

No. 1: What can you do to feel involved in something important? Volunteer? For many people, becoming involved in a cause and helping others is a very quick road to feeling better about themselves. So getting involved in a cause is a must for you. Please do it. No. 2: You might also consider joining an organization that utilizes some skill or talent you have. Are you a great singer? A great painter? A great organizer? There are school and community clubs (like a choir, an art club or local government) that can put you in a position to really use those strengths. Volunteering and/or becoming a part of an organization will help you — it'll give you a forum to show yourself that you can have an amazing impact on the world and people around you. Plus, it will make you busy, so you will have less time to focus on every minuscule thing about yourself that you don't like.

Sitting there and thinking negative thoughts about yourself is something you are making time for. Stop perpetuating this cycle of hate. You are an amazing girl, and you deserve to feel like one!

My boyfriend was going to leave me, so I had sex with him. I feel really guilty now. Do you think it was a bad idea? — Abby, 16, city withheld, RI

I hate to break it to you, but if you've had sex and you're feeling guilty about it, it wasn't a good decision. (And you're not alone — as we mentioned in the "Hook-Up Report" in the July issue of Seventeen, 66 percent of girls who have sex in high school say they regret it and wish they'd waited longer.)