Man, quit obsessing about girlfriend's ex

Dear Harlan: About three months ago, my girlfriend of more than a year was on the phone with a friend when she referred to me by the name of her ex-boyfriend (I was sitting right next to her).

She dated this guy for more than two years, and when we got together, it had been a year since they had broken up. Ever since that moment, I have been consumed by emotion when she mentions his name or talks to him. It's like I hate this guy without even knowing him.

She attempts to talk to him every three to four weeks. She considers him a "best" friend even though he lives in Canada. We love each other more than anything and are planning on getting engaged after college.

I know she wouldn't cheat on me, but no matter how hard I try to just let it go, I can't. She has offered multiple times to stop talking to him, but I can't force myself to stoop to that low, controlling level.

I can't help but feel wrong for having all of these feelings, but these are my emotions and I can't get them out of my mind. I've had dreams about him coming and stealing her away from me. —Jealous B

Dear Jealous B: Listen, man, you're her man; he's her ex —- an ex that falls into one of five categories.

1. I wish I never met you ex

2. I love to hate you ex

3. I don't care about you ex

4. I'm in love with you ex

5. I'm not in love with you but still love you ex

Deciphering between Nos. 4 and 5 can be tricky. When you take into consideration that she's not neglecting you, keeping secrets from you or comparing you with him, he falls into No. 5.

Factor in that she's with you and not chilling in Canada with him, you're still at No. 5. On top of that, she's had two years with him, more than enough time to know that he's not for her and that she wants to marry you. She loves you. She loves what she experienced with her ex. Get it together, or this thing will fall apart.

Dear Harlan: I am a recovering alcoholic (15 years sober) writing in response to the advice you gave to Adopt-a-Friend and the girl with the deceased alcoholic father. I know the damage an alcoholic can cause, having wreaked havoc in the two families I nearly destroyed.

Although the girl's father has passed on, I believe she could still benefit from sharing with peers who have lived with an alcoholic parent. I am enclosing the links for two very good sites for Alateen. I am sure there are thousands of other kids out there living with the hell of an alcoholic or addicted parent. Please let these kids know there is help.