Stepparents find support

PLEASANT GROVE — The small group sits in a semicircle while members introduce themselves one by one.

It was a tough decision for some of them to come to the meeting, but their need for help overshadowed any trepidation they may have felt about coming to a support group.

What ails this group is a growing phenomenon in America — and one that is on the rise in Utah, as well.

"Hello," says a woman in gray sweat pants and a worn T-shirt. "I'm a stepparent, and I need help."

There are many types of support groups — alcoholic, cancer, drug addiction, overeaters and sex addiction, to name just a few. Until recently, though, stepparents in Utah Valley didn't have a place to turn for support.

Brenda Smith, founder of Stepparents of Tots/Teens, or SPOT, a support group for stepparents, has been a stepparent for 12 years and knows the challenges faced by what is clinically referred to as a "blended family."

When her then 12-year-old stepdaughter moved in with her and her husband four years ago, Smith began looking for help in stepparenting.

"I tried finding support groups for stepparents to get help and ideas but couldn't find any," she said.

Therapists were willing to offer counseling services for a fee, but that wasn't what she was looking for. She wanted something that would put her in contact with others who were going through what she was going through.

She began talking to other stepparents and bounced around the idea of forming a support group in Utah Valley. Four years later, SPOT was born.

SPOT will be guided from behind the scenes by Jonathan Sherman, a licensed marriage and family therapist.

Sherman, who runs Bardos Relationship Consulting, a private practice in Saratoga Springs, believes there is a definite need for a group like SPOT, noting the Utah divorce rate is not as far behind the national level, as it once was.

According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the national average for divorce during 2003 was 3.8 divorces per thousand people, while in Utah the figure was 3.76 per thousand people. Preliminary numbers for 2004 show a slight decrease in each of these categories.

In addition, divorce involved more than 1.1 million children under the age of 18 during 2003. Statistics also show that more than 75 percent of those who divorce will remarry within five years.

Add these figures and it makes sense that, as the Stepfamily Foundation Inc. has reported, more than 1,300 stepfamilies are formed each day in the United States.