From Deseret News archives:

The new American family: go, go, go

Structure losing intimacy, kids dominate, study says

Published: Saturday, March 19, 2005 8:59 p.m. MST
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Researchers contend this chase appears to erode families from within, like a rusting minivan dropping parts as it clatters down the highway.

What's falling by the wayside?

Playtime. Conversation. Courtesy. Intimacy.

And guess who is driving the minivan now? Researchers say parents effectively have relinquished the steering wheel to their children. That's because most family decisions and purchases are geared toward the kids' activities.

Whether these highly-programmed kids will grow up to become competent and compassionate adults is an open question for many scientists.

"We've scheduled and outsourced a lot of our relationships," says the study's director, Elinor Ochs, a linguistic anthropologist. "There isn't much room for the flow of life, those little moments when things happen spontaneously.

"And, we're moving from a child-centered society to a child-dominated society. Parents don't have a life after the children go to bed."

The study's requirements were straightforward: Find households with two parents who work outside the home, pay a mortgage and have two or three school-aged children. The families also reflect LA's ethnic stew and diverse neighborhoods.

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Each family was observed over a week's time. Researchers would stick with the families from the morning's first pot of coffee to bedtime. They followed a simple rule: Knock first.

Other scientists who have conducted family studies are intensely interested in the results but doubt cameras can eliminate bias entirely.

"I'm sure these families never forgot the camera was there and would play to it," said San Jose State University anthropologist Charles N. Darrah.

"And," Darrah said, "the researchers can't help but look at the people and think, "What is my family like? It's people studying people."

The UCLA study isn't ranking families from best to worst. Instead, scientists are asking how families are coping.

For Ochs, the most worrisome trend is how indifferently people treat each other, especially when they reunite at day's end. In her view, the chilly exchanges repeated in so many of the study's households suggests something has gone awry.

"Returning home at the end of the day is one of the most delicate and vulnerable moments in life," Ochs said. "Everywhere in the world, in all societies, there is some kind of greeting.

"But here, the kids aren't greeting the parents, and the parents are allowing it to go on," Ochs said. "They are tiptoeing around their children."

The Zeiss family, however, is positively tribal with hugs and shouts. Their packed schedule just means they reunite in the car or parking lots.

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Kevork Djansezian, Associated Press

Madison Zeiss, 10, right, practices fencing with her father, Gary, 47. Experts say having too many activities is eroding families.

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