'Juiced' is not cautionary: Canseco glorifies steroids

JUICED: WILD TIMES, RAMPANT 'ROIDS, SMASH HITS, AND HOW BASEBALL GOT BIG, by Jose Canseco, Regan Books, 290 pages, $25.95.

Jose Canseco appeared on the cover of the 1986 Oakland A's media guide under the bold headline: "THE NATURAL."

File that dusty publication in the "satire" section.

In his much-contested baseball expose "Juiced," Canseco boasts that he popped hundreds of homers, stole bases, got rich, hung out with pop stars, collected a fleet of sports cars and, ultimately, found himself blacklisted from baseball thanks to a most unnatural ally: steroids.

Say what you will about Jose, but the Popeye-armed jock can still snag the attention he once enjoyed whenever he stepped to the plate. Name the last time a biopic penned by a retired ball player was attacked by New York Times political columnist Maureen Dowd, dissected over two episodes of "60 Minutes" and prompted a formal response by the White House?

Fans simply eager for details on Canseco's tabloid life won't be disappointed with "Juiced." The slugger's off-field escapades — including his troubles with the law, road-trip womanizing and an alleged marriage proposal from Madonna — are all included. But it's baseball's dirty "s-word" that separates Canseco's book from a mere vanity piece.

Steroids, argues Canseco, fueled Major League Baseball's comeback in the pivotal and profitable seasons following the game's strike-aborted mid-'90s season.

Records have been broken. Players and team owners have made lots of cash. Fans have filled seats. And much of baseball's recent success, suggests Canseco, can be attributed to the number of players willing to inject themselves — or get "juiced" — with steroids and then do remarkable things with a bat and ball. Meanwhile, owners and league officials have acted with complicity by largely ignoring the steroid issue.

And it's all good, says the self-proclaimed "Godfather" of steroids. "Juiced" is no cautionary tale. It reads like a health-and-beauty infomercial in print — touting the life-altering benefits of steroids. Canseco writes that steroids, when used properly, can make you feel younger, sexier and — if you're a pro baseball player — give you the strength and confidence needed to smack balls into the upper decks and demand big raises. The author himself, a former American League MVP, says he never would have reached the "Show" sans steroids.