Parents dragging kids into a messy divorce

My parents are getting a divorce. When they first told my brother and me about it, they promised they would not ask personal questions about the other parent, but they broke the promise and are dragging my brother and me into it. I just don't know what to do. —Jam, 14, Layton, Utah

Divorce is one of the most stressful things that people can go through, and it sounds like the stress is really getting to your parents (and, of course, affecting you). The stress is likely what is keeping them from honoring their promise to you.

But there is something you can do to keep things from getting ugly. Go (with your brother) to each parent and say: "Hey, Mom (or Dad), I know you're going through a hard time right now. But when you ask us questions about Dad (or Mom), it puts us in a really uncomfortable position — remember, we're half him (or her), too. We know you don't mean to make us feel bad, so when the talk starts to get negative, we're going to say (pick a code word here), and then change the subject, OK?" If you start doing that, hopefully your parents will begin to catch themselves before they say anything hurtful about each other.

I have been dating my boyfriend for seven months, and lately my best friend has been on a major jealousy streak, and every time I hang out with my boyfriend she throws fits.

Now she claims I am hurting her, and she thinks I need to break up with him. What do I do? —Marie, 15, Taylor, Ariz.

My feeling is that your friend is going through something, and she needs you. But she sees your boyfriend as standing in the way of the two of you sharing the level of closeness you did before you started dating him. Listen, it's not unusual to pay more attention to a romantic relationship when it's just starting out. But you don't want to be one of those girls who give all their attention to a guy and ignore everyone else.

Your friend was there for you before your boyfriend, and she'll be there if you and he break up. So honor that friendship by giving it more of your mental energy. I'm not saying you need to break up with your guy. You just need some balance. (Have you ever heard your washing machine make a crazy noise if it's unbalanced? Consider your friend's hollering as the same sort of signal — she needs your attention!)

Ask her to do something that you two used to always do together but haven't had a chance to do in a while. Once you guys have been hanging out for a few hours, tell her: "It's nice to spend time together. I'm sorry my new relationship affected our time together. I realize that's what happened, and I want to reconnect with you and find a better balance. Get me caught up with you."

And just let her talk. It might not be that easy to get her to open up — so be patient and prepared to ask her lots of questions so you really do get better in touch. She might just need more time with you. So try creating a standing date twice a week (once on the weekend and once during the week) that you both promise not to bag out on. It'll give you both the time and space to start rebuilding your connection.

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Questions may be sent directly to Atoosa Rubenstein at: dearseventeen@hearst.com. Atoosa Rubenstein, the founding editor of CosmoGirl! magazine, is the editor in chief of Seventeen magazine. © King Features Syndicate Inc.