Malone as GM might be fun

Stories this week that said Karl Malone is leaning toward retirement made me smile. In fact, they made me laugh out loud. Not the retirement part, but the part about Lakers owner Jerry Buss offering Malone a front office job.

Imagine that — the Mailman behind a desk.

Malone has been, or pretended to be, a lot of different things — cowboy, truck driver, model, pro wrestler, philosopher, workout guru, shoe store owner, cop, big-game hunter, car dealer and jet pilot. But front-office executive? That's as farfetched as being a clairvoyant.

(Actually, there were times when he seemed to think he was that, too.)

I can't see Malone reporting to work in a double-breasted suit and silk tie. I don't visualize him on the phone touching base with sponsors, either. Whatever position Buss has in mind, it couldn't possibly involve Malone selling ad space or airtime, booking halftime acts or dreaming up marketing schemes.

Considering how the Lakers have faded, I figure he's in line to replace Mitch Kupchak as general manager.

That's where it really gets entertaining.

This is the guy who years ago said he wanted to be traded if the Jazz waived his buddy Ike Austin. Same guy who said — thousands of times — he hated big cities, but now loves living in L.A.

Malone took it upon himself to publicly reprimand Greg Ostertag for being out of shape and fat, rather than leaving it up to the coach.

He also once said he was thinking of taking a gun on road trips for protection. Who could forget the furor he caused with remarks about Magic Johnson being HIV-positive?

My favorite Malone moment was when he said he would run for mayor of Salt Lake if the Jazz won the NBA title.

He also went on a radio station in L.A. to say he had played his last game in a Jazz uniform because he was being "disrespected."

As GM, he would be on the other side of the negotiating table. Which would probably make for some interesting dialogue.

I'm not entirely sure that as a GM he would know for whom he was trading. I once asked him a question about Dale Davis, who was then playing for the Indiana Pacers.

"Who?" he said.

"You know, the forward for the Pacers," I said.

"Oh . . . yeah . . . yeah," he said vaguely.