Gripes include a lack of software CDs, slow USB data transfers

Question: What's playing in your iPod, right now?

Answer: Ben Jelen, "Come On," from "Sessions at AOL." Trust me on this.

Question: What's ticked you off lately?

Answer: You don't have that kind of time.

Question: Yes we do.

Answer: OK. The fact that HP/Compaq would not give people the CDs of the software they paid for on their computers but instead created these hidden partitions on their C drives, which give we computer repair people fits years later; that USB 1.1 transfers data so slowly; that spyware authors should rot in the fire-filled pits of hell; that the author of the VX2 ad trojan really is a scumbag; that cell phone batteries ought to last longer than an episode of "ER"; that Windows machines really are too complicated.

Question: What's your favorite blue shirt (aka the Death Star) story of late?

Answer: Was in one of the "large box retailers" the other day (hey, even I have to get parts on an emergency basis sometimes) and was offered a two- or four-year extended warranty on a USB 2.0 card (retail cost $32). Repeat after me: never buy the extended warranty unless you're buying a plasma television or a high-end laptop.

Question: What toy do you want now?

Answer: Apple Powerbook, 14 inch, with SuperDrive.

Question: You, an Apple?

Answer: Hey, and the Red Sox won the World Series, go figure.

Question: What software has ticked you off?

Answer: Symantec Norton Ghost 9.0. First of all, decide if you are going to name things "Symantec" or "Norton." (Peter Norton is long gone, just pick one.) Second, make a manual that humans actually understand. Third, make software that actually WORKS. Fourth, when it doesn't work, make a knowledge base online that contains useful information. Ghost, from my experience so far, is overpriced at $69, and I can't get it to work yet.

Question: Palm or Windows for PDA?

Answer: Windows until Apple comes out with one. Can you imagine an iPod that also is a PDA and decent phone? Yummy.

Question: Why does my Outlook 2002 or XP work so slowly?

Answer: Uncheck the box in the settings that says enable Instant Messaging within Outlook. (Does not apply to Outlook Express.

James Derk is co-owner of CyberDads, a computer repair company, and a computer columnist for Scripps Howard News Service. His e-mail address is jim@cyberdads.com.