Rumors of infidelity vex friends

Dear Annie: I have been friends with "Carla" and "Roxanne" for over 17 years. Now Carla and I both have heard rumors that Roxanne's husband has been messing around.

We feel, as good friends, that we should tell Roxanne what we've heard, but we are afraid her husband will lie his way out of it and she will hate us. Our husbands tell us to keep quiet, but, Annie, we both agreed if the tables were turned, we would want to know the truth.

Roxanne and her husband have two small children and are talking about having another. She also has talked about quitting her job. We would hate for that to happen and then have her discover the affairs later — when she has no income of her own to fall back on.

How do we get solid proof that he's cheating? Should we confront him? What do we do? —Wanting to Do the Right Thing

Dear Wanting: You have heard rumors, nothing more. Unless you stumble upon more compelling evidence, you don't really know what's going on. Your heart is in the right place, but usually it's better not to interfere in someone else's marital problems. If Roxanne asks you a direct question about her husband's extracurricular activities, you may tell her what you've heard, but please don't go looking for trouble.

Dear Annie: My sister requested an expensive perfume for her birthday. When I purchased the item, I was given a bonus gift of a small travel case with several assorted cosmetics. Should I give the promotional items to my sister? I like many of the products and would like to keep them, if it's OK. —Indiana Shopper

Dear Indiana: Yes, you may keep them. The perfume is the gift for your sister. The rest belongs to you for making the purchase, so enjoy.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from "Child-Free by Choice." I am 50 years old and never had the slightest desire to have children. My aunt once told me that I was selfish not to provide my mother with grandchildren. Here's what I consider selfish:

1. Women who have children they can't afford and expect the rest of us to pay for them.

2. Women who have children while married to, or involved with, men who abuse them. These men are highly likely to abuse the children, too.

3. People who have children hoping to save a failing relationship.

4. People who keep having children because they are trying for a particular sex.

5. Alcoholics and drug addicts who continue to drink and do drugs while pregnant, knowing the effects it could have on the child.