One student was worried there would be a tornado.

One wanted to know if I go to church.

A few said I look like James Bond — did they need glasses?

Another drew a picture with someone holding a gun. Not cool if you're a third-grader who has already been told not to do that.

One student in a different class chanted "Kill Kerry," referring to then-presidential candidate John Kerry — hey, disagree with the guy, but don't be violent about it. Oh, that was after the entire second-grade class had finished its pro-Bush chant — yeah, it was surreal.

Another student came in from recess walking like a duck — he went home to clean up a little, ahem, accident in his pants.

I've now got a stash of personalized drawings from students who dug their sub. Hugs from students were not uncommon.

One girl walked up to my desk while I was talking with other students, put her arm around me for a few seconds and walked off without a word spoken — precious.

A few kids even came right out and said they liked me — sadly, on-the-spot adoption was not an option.

Getting along with the students was only part of the battle.

Each of my 2.5 days as a sub started as a kind of drum roll in my head, anxious about whether the real teacher would leave instructions about how to structure class.

I already knew I wouldn't be going in merely as a baby-sitter. And I even surprised myself with bits of real teaching, however lacking it might have been.

I read horror stories on Internet message boards about subs having to wing it without instructions. So, I planned ahead, printing out fun quizzes from Web sites geared toward helping the hapless sub — the ice cream quiz was a hit.

I was prepared, or so I thought.

Instructions are great, as long as everything the teacher says you'll need is where it should be. When all seems askew, you're forced to rely on the honesty of pint-sized moppets.

Therein lies one of the biggest challenges that I could see substitutes facing every day — are students being honest with you?

If I thought they were lying about things like needing a potty break or performing a certain role in the class that the substitute knows nothing about, the threat was loss of control. That was my biggest fear and, to compensate, I was pretty firm on most things, especially talking during work time.

But if they had to go to the bathroom, I let them. If they needed a drink, they could go. My instruction was always, "Hurry up," and no one seemed to violate that rule.

I found success as a sub depended on trusting students to tell me what to do or where they needed to go when I was unsure. Patience and a love for children also went a long way toward handling class sizes of between 18 and 30.

True, on my third assignment I lost some control of my class toward the end of the school day — but I blame Bush and Kerry, brought to the students via a Weekly Reader assignment. I know they evoke pretty strong emotions in many adults, but who knew a bunch of second-graders would be so partisan — and so vocal about it?

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E-mail: sspeckman@desnews.com