The innocents: Kids fall victim to parents' addictions

"I hate kids," says one northern Utah mother of three teenagers who uses daily. "I don't know why I had them."

At least two of her children followed her into the drug world.

Methamphetamine is sometimes called the "walk-away drug" because addicts drop everything to pursue it.

"Hard-core meth users are oblivious to children," said Rick Berry, a state Child Protection Services investigator.

Berry follows police into homes after a drug raid where children are present. He assesses the physical and chemical hazards to determine whether the children should be removed. He also drops in on suspected drug users for "knock-and-talks."

"We do work with some of these families, if they'll let us," he said.

Berry removes three to four times as many children as other child protection workers in the state, something for which he is closely scrutinized.

According to the state Division of Child and Family Services, 40 children were taken from 35 homes with meth labs last year.

"If the parents are using meth, the kids are gone," said Sgt. Ryan Atack, who heads the Salt Lake police drug unit. "We're not leaving them."

In Salt Lake County, many will go to the Christmas Box House until being placed with shelter or foster families, which has its own pitfalls. Separating young children, especially infants, from their mothers disrupts critical bonding time.

"We can't afford to put all these kids in foster care," said Karen Buchi, a University of Utah pediatrician who studies the effects of meth on children. "Foster care isn't the ideal place for these kids."

Returning them to their parents isn't ideal either, at least not until they have made substantial progress overcoming addiction. Some parents willingly give up their children knowing they are not capable of caring for them.

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"My darling baby boy. I am so sorry that you ever had to feel unwanted. I know that my explaining to you what was going on in my life probably won't make much difference, but I'd like to try nonetheless . . . you see by the time I discovered I was pregnant with you I had already been an addict for almost five years. I was terrified. I already neglected your sister and put her in dangerous situations. I didn't want to do the same to you. Plus, I was terrified of the permanent damage my daily use may have already caused you to have. I love you so much, my baby, that I felt I had to say goodbye for a while."

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A Salt Lake woman who didn't want her name used grew up with a meth-addicted mother.

She remembers her mom and her mom's biker boyfriend staying up all night playing cards or polishing motorcycle parts. They often peeked out the window to see if anyone was watching them.