"This is not a social experiment, this is our family," said Butterfield, who along with his partner is part of a group of about 50 same-sex parents who have activities once a month, most recently a Halloween party. "Radical gay agenda stuff," he added with a smile.

In a question-and-answer session after the panel discussion, Butterfield was asked whether he and his partner act as two fathers or "mother" and father. What his own mother does when she mothers "is not a function of her being a woman," he answered. "If our child falls down, it's not like we both say 'Get up!' We can 'mother.' "

Butterfield and Redd-Butterfield became parents via an egg donor and a separate surrogate mother. Sociologist Stacey noted that she recently attended a christening of surrogacy twins at a Catholic church in California. The older sister of these twins explained to her playmates that surrogacy is "when your mommy has a baby for two men."

"And the sky didn't fall," Butterfield interjected.

PFLAG did not choose Salt Lake City for its national convention this year to coincide with the debate over Amendment 3, says PFLAG interim executive director Ron Schlittler of Washington, D.C. "It just worked out that way."

"All these people didn't come to this as radical liberals," he said about the parents who filled the hotel ballroom. "These people have traveled the journey a lot of people are reluctant to take." The group, he says, has "a particular angle on family values we think needs sharing."

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E-mail: jarvik@desnews.com