How to talk to your children about sex and sexual abuse

• Use proper or semi-proper names for body parts and phrases such as private parts are "private and special."

• Tell your children that if anyone touches or tries to see their private parts, they should tell you or a "support person." They should also tell anyone tries to get them to touch or look at another person's private parts; shows them pictures of or tries to take pictures of their private parts; talks to them about sex; walks in on them in the bathroom; or does anything that makes them feel uncomfortable.

• Tell your children that some children and adults have "touching problems." These people can make "secret touching" look accidental. They should still tell you even if they think the touching might have been accidental.

• Tell your children that touching problems are like stealing or lying and that the people who have these problems need special help.

• Tell your children that some people try to trick kids into keeping the touching a secret. Say, "We don't want those kinds of secrets in our family."

• Give your children examples of things that someone might use to try to get them to keep a secret: candy, money, special privileges, threats, subtle fear of loss, separation or punishment.

• Have support people they can talk to at home, at school, in their extended family, neighborhood or church. Have them pick out three people and tell you who they are. Put the phone numbers next to your phone. If for any reason they cannot talk to you, your children should call or go see another support person.

Source: Cory Jewell Jensen, M.S., and Steve Jensen, M.A.