Teach children how to stay safe

There are few thoughts as terrifying as the abduction of your young child by a stranger. The fear causes parents to think long and hard about their children's safety. They tell them in a very clear voice, "Do not to talk to strangers."

The problem is, though, that a child's view of a stranger is very different from a parent's view. From the child's perspective, because a stranger is someone they are supposed to be afraid of, they expect a stranger to look ugly or scary.

In fact, few, if any strangers actually look like the child's notion. Then to make matters more confusing for children, we teach then to respect and listen to their elders and be polite. Then, as role models, children see us talk to people we have never met before, day in and day out. We even have them hug relatives whom they may never have met!

So young children will not talk to strangers. They will very willingly avoid scary-looking people. However, when confronted by a friendly, kind-looking older person, they will likely respond politely, which in most cases means speaking when spoken to and, as they are taught in school, they will follow their directions.

Helping young children not to talk to strangers or not go with them takes much more than the simple admonishment, "Don't talk to strangers."

Parents who want to increase the likelihood that their child will avoid or leave from persons unknown must spend a good amount of time talking about the issue and teaching their children on an ongoing basis. These tips may help:

1. When out in the community, in a matter-of-fact voice point out the various people and ask your child if s/he knows them. Use this as an opportunity to explain that a stranger is any person we do not know, regardless of what they look like.

2. Next it becomes very important to differentiate the rules for grown-ups and the rules for children. Sometimes simply phrasing it as, "Are you old enough to talk to people you don't know by yourself?" and then explaining that they must have your permission to do so.

3. In the event a stranger approaches a child, they then must be equipped with strategies to manage the situation. Some parents provide a "code word." Explain to the child if someone doesn't know the code word, they do not have permission to go or talk with the person. In such situations, the child must be instructed to leave the person and immediately go to another adult they know, or older child if an adult is not available. It is important to also teach the child that this is not rude. The child must understand that they have your full permission to leave the situation and to do so immediately.