Choose a legal guardian — just in case

What to consider

— In most cases, the surviving parent (if there is one) receives sole custody when the other parent dies. If there is no surviving parent, choose an extended family member (and that includes friends) who meets your criteria.

— Make a list of what you would expect a parent in your stead to do, for instance keep your children in touch with their friends and relatives. Are there certain hobbies, sports or other activities you would want your child to continue?

— Choose someone who closely matches your own values, outlook and morality. If your religion is important to you, for example, choose a guardian who shares your religious perspective or who will agree to put the effort forward to raise your children in your religion.

— Are you "hands-on" and used to "doing it all" with your child? Aside from looking at similar values, choose a guardian with similar temperament and tolerance for play, affection and involvement in your child's schoolwork.

— Does your guardian have time for the commitment needed to do the job properly?

— Do your child and prospective guardian have a good relationship? Do they seem to enjoy time together? It will be much easier on both your child and guardian if they have a good connection.

— Where does the guardian live? Close to where your child's school (and life) is? Would sending a child to live with a relative halfway across the country be in your child's best interest? Your child will be going through major trauma; won't a move away from everything familiar make the situation harder?

— Are there other minor children in the guardian's family? This can be good (playmates) and not-so-good (if your child is used to being the center of attention, he might lose that spotlight).

— If your finances aren't enough to raise your child, will the legal guardian be able to pick up the slack?

— Check requirements in your state. Is your choice of legal age?

— After you've chosen a guardian, do it all over again. Choose a backup to your first choice: If for some reason your first choice is not able to fulfill the duties of a guardian, the second choice can step up to the plate. If you don't name a backup guardian — or if you don't name a primary choice — the court will.

Doreen Nagle is author of "But I Don't Feel Too Old To Be A Mommy" (HCI, $12.95). She welcomes your parenting tips and concerns at parentinginanutshell@joimail.com