From Deseret News archives:
Some tips on how to pick a president
Deseret Morning News readers should vote for John Kerry and John Edwards BECAUSE:
1. We need a president who is fluent in French so he can properly insult and castigate the leaders and people of France when they frequently mock the U.S. and disregard our alliance.
2. According to rumors, Rocky Anderson is bucking for a position in the Kerry administration (this is one way to get a change in City Hall).
3. Americans deserve and need a president who can correctly pronounce "nuclear" (and other multisyllabic words).
4. Michael Leavitt will have no more excuses; he will have to answer the mission call.
5. Otherwise John Edwards will return to the courtroom with a vengeance (Look out corporate America!).
6. Hillary will have to wait until 2012 (an important factor for the Clinton haters).
7. Orrin Hatch needs a vacation (you can bet he will spend no time or energy pushing those Kerry appointments through the U.S. Senate).
9. It will be fun to see if Congressman Rob Bishop can maintain his famous smirk during the entire State of the Union Address.
10. Kerry and Edwards will articulate and effectuate a successful plan to support our troops in Iraq and allow us to depart at the appropriate time with dignity and pride.
11. Otherwise, Dick Cheney remains a heartbeat away (Admit it: The possibility of a President Cheney frightens all reasonable people).
12. Kerry and Edwards will repeal the Bush tax breaks for the elite, help employers provide quality health-care coverage to employees and execute common-sense principles for the federal budget.
13. Baby boomers can dust off their JFK memorabilia and be in fashion by displaying the initials of the new president.
14. It will be great sport to watch Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney twist and squirm as he is tempted to appoint himself to replace John Kerry.
Comments
- Mitchell called intelligent, controlling 1:19 a.m.
- Brems outlasts 2nd round of votes 1:04 a.m.
- 2 families divided over slaying 1:04 a.m.
- Teen shot in scuffle with trooper 1:03 a.m.
- Nature's Way leaving Utah County 1:03 a.m.
- 'Grandfamilies' a growing trend 12:31 a.m.
- 'Cyber Monday' sales top records 12:29 a.m.
- 2 citations issued at Y.-U. game 12:26 a.m.
- No drugs in driver of Am.F. band bus 12:15 a.m.
- Governor Mansion to begin free tours 12:14 a.m.
- Hall's pain reflects self-betrayal
- Y. student vanished in China
- Max Hall issues apology
- Utes won't respond to Hall
- Hall reprimanded by MWC
- Cougs begin bowl preparations
- Teen shot in scuffle with trooper
- Mitchell called intelligent, controlling
- Matthews passes new Jazz tests
- Daughter: Mitchell fed me my pet
- Hall mouths off about hate of Utah
898 - Cougars beat Utes in overtime
481 - Max Hall issues apology
379 - Hall reprimanded by MWC
370 - Hall's pain reflects self-betrayal
316 - Utes won't respond to Hall
257 - BYU is champion of the state
140 - Man trapped in Nutty Putty cave dies
121 - Cave to be sealed with body inside
120 - Religion in politics is tiresome
110
Live 'Twittologue' Dec. 2, 4:00 p.m. with Jason Chaffetz. Click for more.
There are some games I love not on your list. Arkham Asylum for one.
Our parents made my brothers help kill and clean our rabbits before we ate...
Why would you keep it open? I would understand if there was a lot of amazing...
The government will run our health care well? Read Reader's Digest, November...
TCU stomped on the MWC so they are naturally ready to crush Florida, Alabama...
could you understand Dave Locke any more than my mom does and she is not even...
Attending the ND/BYU game 3 years ago in south bend, a couple of things stuck...
I missed the game, actually i heard a little bit of Locke on the radio (man...
quotes were good: Article was dumb and unnecessary.
I believe the art depicting Joseph looking at the plates may possibly be...


You can be the first to comment on this story.