Demos' smoke screen fails to fool Americans

I had a cold and admittedly dipped heavily into the NyQuil when the Democrats were in Boston behaving themselves. I presumed I was hallucinating, the effects of 50-proof cold medicine interfering with my senses. I thought the Democrats were the Amish kids from that UPN reality show, "Amish in the City." The DNC was "rumspringa" in reverse. They left their "I had an abortion" T-shirts at home and their androgynous beings off-camera. They even put the PETA folks, ironically, in a cage outside the Fleet Center so that television audiences would see only the Pennsylvania Dutch in them all. Nary a primal scream escaped from PETA or Howard Dean. "No girlie-men allowed," was the temporarily reformed DNC theme.

The Dems were positively bipolar for four days, suppressing their Mr. Hydes via substances a mite stronger than NyQuil that flowed freely at the many corporate-sponsored events on the side. Why, they were waving flags and their pupils weren't even dilated!

Still, the truth will out. Character flaws and/or political leanings emerge under pressure. Thine own self wants out from behind the facade.

The first crack came before the convention got rolling. Mrs. Teresa Heinz-Rodham-Kerry let loose on a conservative journalist who questioned her taped and inane use of the term "un-American" to describe the political discourse in our country. After trying to deny she said it, she said, "Shove it!" to the poor fellow. This is the best retort a breathless woman who speaks five languages could muster? She could have at least said "Usted empuje esta!" For all you libs lying in wait out there, Cheney was wrong, too, but I'll get to him in another column.

NyQuil aside, I got the impression from Mrs. Evita Kerry's speech that American women are still wearing burkas and not eating dinner until their husbands have finished. Women's opinions are not valued because they are women. Oh, baby! If you've got a billion bucks and no one's listening to you, there's a problem, and we saw it in that speech. She rambled, she cooed, she lectured, and she crossed her hands over her chest.

I felt the pain of my sisters who have made their own money begging Mrs. Kerry, "Please, shove it." Following that bizarre spectacle who could fault a movement for disenfranchising women?