From Deseret News archives:
Sapped by a conspiracy?
Finally, someone who knows what I know.
My parents, having fallen victim to this conspiracy early on, subjected me to recurrent applications of fluoride gel as a child.
I first became aware of the effects of these treatments during the physical act of voting. A profound sense of fatigue, a feeling of emptiness followed. Luckily, I was able to interpret these feelings correctly: loss of essence.
Wake up, voters! Stock your homes with distilled water and burn your voter registration cards! We can no longer sit back and allow the two-party conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.
Robert Hammer
Salt Lake City
