From Deseret News archives:
And you thought televised golf was dull
The problem is that there's not a lot of action in televised poker, where the most strenuous thing the players do is push small plastic chips a distance of about 15 inches. (Granted, this is more action than you see in televised golf.) To make matters worse, poker players do not betray any feelings, so most of the time what you have, visually, is a bunch of grim-faced guys sitting around a table, looking like a hemorrhoid support group. Most of the emotion is supplied by the TV commentators, who, in hushed, dramatic tones, say things like:
"He's thinking about what to do here, Bob."
"You just know that, inside, he is churning with emotions, Bob."
"I'm sure glad I took powerful methamphetamines before this broadcast, Bob."
All of these games are essentially the same: A person (or, in poker slang, "dealer") gives you some cards ("cards"), which you look at in a furtive manner ("sneaking a gander") to see if you have a good hand ("bling bling") after which you bet (or "kiss the eel") by placing money ("cheese") into the pot ("marijuana"). This goes on until somebody ("not you") wins, at which point all the losers express heartfelt congratulations in colorful slang terms.
Sounds like a lot of fun, right? Not to me, either. But as I say, poker is sweeping the nation, and so recently I decided to experience it first-hand by going to the poker room at the Miccosukee Resort and Gaming casino, located west of Miami right next to the Everglades, which makes it one of the few casinos in the world where not only can you gamble excuse me, I mean "game" but also you can experience the excitement of knowing that you could be attacked by an alligator in the parking lot.
Comments
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