Can you survive Nugent?

Well, you've got to give Ted Nugent credit for at least one thing. He apparently doesn't much care what people think of him.

Because if he did, he wouldn't be such a, well, jerk on the VH1 series "Surviving Nugent," which begins its second season (really) tonight at 11.

This is the rocker equivalent of — you guessed it! — "Survivor." A bunch of people desperate to be on TV go to Nugent's Texas ranch, where he treats them like dirt, tries to scare them and basically acts like a, well, jerk.

"This show includes a lot of branding irons, a lot of fire power, helicopters and dangerous nets, and a lot of cycle-of-life, blood-and-guts reality," Nugent told TV critics. "And, basically, the most perfect barbecue you've ever witnessed in your life, except you don't just get the plate of dead stuff, you get to see how it got there."

In other words, blood, guts, guns, chainsaws and barely bleeped bad language.

To say that "Surviving Nugent" is contrived would be an understatement. The contestants, who are competing to win a — whooo, doggie — truck, include people Nugent can't stand, like vegetarians, pacifists and gun-control advocates.

Again, the only explanation for why anyone would want to subject themselves to snakes, manure, spiders, sleeping in a sub-freezing barn and Nugent's antics would be the desperate desire for at least a couple minutes of fame.

"We're like a wonderful, out-of-the-ordinary . . . lifestyle," Nugent said. "We live the real lifestyle in the guts of America. And we don't think it's just entertaining, we think it's worth celebrating. . . . We do intensify some of the daily activities for your entertainment enjoyment, but what you see is really complete, unscripted."

"It's our everyday life — the chores we do," concurred Nugent's wife, Shemane. "Our kids do chores, we do chores and these contestants just help us out with everything."

"And I am a chore," Nugent added.

No argument there.

Just trying to make heads or tails out of half of what Nugent says — or, rather, what he bellows — can be challenging. What Nugent really loves is himself, and he's the ultimate poseur. He maintains his "intensity is still intimidating to the wimps among us."

And to say that Nugent has strong opinions would be an understatement. Using, um, colorful language, he'll gladly tell you that he hates all the (expletives) in the country.

"The (expletives) are the people who consume but don't turn back in," he said. "The (expletives) are people that think government should help out the neighbors versus those of us who are the neighbors and we help out without giving a million dollars to the neighbors but it cost $900,000 because the bureaucrats suck the life out of generosity.

"I am so far from being an (expletive) I almost feel like Mother Teresa with a Glock. Sometimes I have to adjust my halo because I am involved in excess of 100 charities across the nation. And if that qualifies me as an (expletive), then I'm proud to be an (expletive)."

Part of "Surviving Nugent," apparently, is surviving the flood of humility that gushes forth from him.

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E-mail: pierce@desnews.com