The search for self

The house on 600 West in Salt Lake City is old and pretty, with a tiny sidewalk leading to an arched entry. Inside, in the living room, a mirror hangs next to an easel. Here, in the space of two months, Ruby Chacon has turned out more than a dozen paintings for a show that opens Monday at the University of Utah.

The exhibit is part of the university's Women's Week celebration, titled "Women in Leadership Shaping the Future."

Chacon used herself as a model for each work. Together, the paintings describe the women who shaped her future. Chacon paints Aztec and Mayan women, Mexican women after the Spanish conquest, nuns and rebels. There is also a portrait of a woman with Chacon's face wearing the crown of the Statue of Liberty.

Each is painting is titled "Self As . . . "

There's a "Self As a Spaniard," a "Self As Mestiza," a "Self As Chicana Brown Beret."

Chacon relied on the mirror to begin each painting, but as she worked, she no longer needed to look at her own face. With each portrait, there came a point where art and imagination took over.

One portrait is painted in swirling, circular strokes. Another is in chunks of color that look like they were put on with a knife. Some of the portraits are small; others are huge, larger than life.

Growing up in Utah, "I never saw role models that fit my identity," Chacon says. But while these paintings are about her heritage, they are also about the human struggle, which is universal.

Chacon graduated from the University of Utah with a degree in fine arts in 1998. She had no choice about what to major in, she said. There was nothing she loved as much as painting. But it is one thing to study painting and something else entirely to decide to make your living at it. She might not have considered a career in art were it not for her nieces. And her nephew, too, of course.

Chacon's nephew, Orlando Chacon, died in 1996 at the age of 3. His mother's boyfriend was convicted of shaking him to death. At the time, the newspapers told the story just that simply. Also, at least one reporter got some facts wrong, said Chacon. But, she added, that is to be expected. An outsider's view of her family's life is always going to be "a little bit tainted."

It is only natural to think your own ways are best, she says. My mother is a better cook than your mother is. My father is stronger than yours.