From Deseret News archives:

'Garden' helps support children in mourning

Provo center assists in coping with painful loss

Published: Sunday, Jan. 18, 2004 10:52 p.m. MST
 |  E-MAIL | PRINT | FONT + - 
PROVO — Four-year-old Calen Briggs is sad and confused because his brother J.J. isn't coming back.

As Calen tells it, J.J. died from "cancer bugs" and then just disappeared. And no matter how hard Calen tries, he can't seem to bring his big brother back.

"I know we'll be brothers forever," Calen says, "But he still keeps dying."

Based on the sentiments of the other youngsters sitting in a circle with him — one girl barks like a dog when talking about a baby brother lost to SIDS — Calen's difficulty with understanding death isn't unusual for his age.

"Kids this age need to learn what death really means," explained Edward Gimble, who oversees the youngest group of children attending Canary Garden — Utah County's first and only grief support center geared to helping children cope with death.

"They have to learn the difference between living and dying," Gimble said, "because people don't talk about death in this culture."

At Canary Garden's weekly Monday meetings, death is all they talk about. Despite the morbid topic, however, 13-year-old Heather Bolton said the center is full of positive energy and hope.

Story continues below
"My dad died in the ocean and my sister died of SIDS and my favorite dessert is cheesecake brownies," Heather says casually during "check-in" — an opening activity used in all of the groups to help children get comfortable with discussing the death of their loved ones.

It is during those check-ins that personal stories emerge. Melanie Peterson, a 28-year-old with Down syndrome who fits perfectly into the teen group, points to a picture of her dad before declaring, "My dad and my brother passed away in an airplane crash."

Eight-year-old Breana Powers giggles as she leafs through a collection of photographs showcasing herself, her dog and her mother before sharing her story with the 6- to 8-year-old group.

"This is my mom getting married," says the bubbly redhead. "She died because she was really, really sad, and my grandpa died from cancer."

Just as each of the 16 children currently attending Canary Garden has a different story, each child has a different reaction — which can range from anger to sadness. Founder Vivian Olsen said that support groups give children an outlet for those emotions while helping them to let go of the pain but not the person's memory.

"Grief is natural and normal, and each person's process is normal for them," she explained. "This death is part of their personal story, and part of why they come here is to tell their story to other people so that this event becomes woven into their life experience."

Comments

You can be the first to comment on this story.

Image
Lisa Marie Miller, Deseret Morning News

Eight-year-old Ashtyn Jones talks about her day and her feelings to facilitators from the Canary Garden in Provo.

Related content
previousnext

Latest comments

Remember, Jazz fans, Miles is still young. He would be a rookie if he had...

Hatch: Abortion amendment may fail

if you believe abortion is your right, i guess that's fine. i believe...

Why is this news? Who cares what Woods does off the golf course.

Publicity is OK as long as it is in their self interest, but as soon as their...

To those criticizing the LDS church as being deceptive because of LDS...

Is it just me or does it seem a little hypocritical of Ute fans to jump all...

Once again Hatch is distorting the facts for his own political gain. How...

Reactions to Tiger Woods saga

Privacy??? Hold it...you came into my home and sold my kids underwear,...

CJ still should have a chance to prove himself. As someone else noted he is...

ha every student knew but whoever did it needs to get caught kuz they kept...

Advertisements