Use this handy legislative-to-English guide

The Legislature kicks off its general session tomorrow with the usual pomp and ceremony. Many astute Utahns (such as our readers) are sometimes confused by the activities and lexicon involved in this important governmental function.

As a public service, we're providing a dictionary of sorts to assist interested, but perhaps not well-informed, observers of the legislative process. When you hear or read a statement from a legislator, you can refer to the translation provided below:

"My bill has bipartisan support." Translation: This thing is so toothless that no one cares about it.

"I've been seeking support for this bill from my friends across the aisle." Translation: Who cares what the Democrats think; we'll ram it down their throats.

"I support lobbyist reform." Translation: I can beat up on these guys any time and they still have to be nice to me. They make too much money anyway.

"I support this friendly amendment to my bill." Translation: I don't have the votes to pass the bill so I have to accept this jerk's changes.

"I no longer accept gifts from lobbyists." Translation: The Olympics are over and the Jazz are struggling.

"It is imperative that this bill passes." Translation: I need to get something passed or The Deseret Morning News will rank me as an ineffective legislator.

"I move to table this bill for further deliberation." Translation: Get ready to be whipped into shape in the woodshed (closed party caucus).

"We need to fund the University of Utah properly." Translation: Now that the Utes have a winning team, I want tickets.

"Please allow me to consult with some of my more outspoken constituents." Translation: I need to see what Gayle thinks.

"I do not like politics. I am not a career politician." Translation: I still don't understand how this place works.

"We appreciate the news media's interest in these important issues." Translation: Mike Leavitt is gone, so maybe we can get a little favorable press.

"Has this (liquor or abortion) legislation been thoroughly reviewed (accompanied by a wink or a nod)?" Translation: Does 47 E. South Temple approve?

"Education is so important that we must raise taxes!" Translation: I am not running for re-election or for any other office, ever again.