Web is full of helpful New Year's plans (not!)

During the Great Blizzard of 2003 — Mother Nature's non-fat version of juicy whoppers — I did a Google Internet search on the phrase "New Year's Resolutions."

Approximately 0.12 seconds later — or about how long it takes me to break most resolutions — I had 258,000 different items sitting before me on my monitor.

I was fairly eager to see what other people are resolving to do and not do in 2004, so I clicked on a few links. Mostly I was hoping to find out I'm not the only one vowing to lose weight — again — this year.

The first site that caught my eye was www.how-to-keep-your-new-years-resolution.com. No kidding. It had some pointers, but it could've just as easily been called www.I-want-to-take-your-money-by-selling-you-my-self-help-tapes.com. But that's not quite as catchy.

I also came across an article that advised: "Don't Set New Year's Resolutions." I was half-expecting to read "Because cheeseballs have lasted in Jody's fridge longer than some of his resolutions," but the motivational coach simply urged dreamers to "take action" instead of making lofty and unachievable goals.

(Note to self: Scratch off resolutions to become a Chippendale dancer by year's end and to win the Pulitzer Prize and a $1 million bonus with this diet column.)

Another site that seemed promising was titled "Celebs reveal their New Year's Resolutions." Curious to find out whether Oprah now has more weight to lose than I do or if Bennifer is resolving to bounce back bigger than ever with a "Gigli 2," I had to check it out.

Unfortunately, it took me to a South African Web site. And the celebrities? None other than Cape Town's famous locals. I'd share what the city politicians and nation's cricket star hoped for, but we've still got 257,998 other sites to talk about.

OK, since you might be dying to know, South Africa's unofficial first lady, Evita Bezuidenhout, made a resolution to convince everyone to vote. Why?

"Because," she told the International Online newspaper, "if we don't vote, we'll become Zimbabwe."

Yikes. Not Zimbabwe.

I'm considering making a similar statement for my weight-loss resolution: "If I don't lose 100 pounds in 2004, I'll become Canada."

During my search I actually found some tangible tips. For example, Weight Watchers, my favorite Weight Loss Superpower this side of Jared, posted a five-step "resolution-reaching plan." The steps are:

Make resolutions public. (Trust me, it's so much fun to let the world know you're on a diet.)