Christmas goes to the dogs

In my neighborhood, we've had a problem with one neighbor's dog barking all night. Several of us tried to ask the owner to please do something about it. Our pleas fell on deaf ears.

We tolerated it until recently. After hearing "Jingle Bells" by the Barking Dogs, four of us neighbors had an idea.

During our weekly card game, I made the comment, "If I had an outside sound system, I'd play the Barking Dogs' 'Jingle Bells' each night when the dog barks." I was making a joke, but my card buddies took me up on it. "Rick" has outdoor speakers, "Barney" has an old PA system, "Art" volunteered to set it up, and I was to get the record or tape of "Jingle Bells."

Three days later, everything was set up and ready. When the dog started its barking around 1 a.m., I reached over, turned on the PA system and played "Jingle Bells." The dog shut up! Two hours later, the barking resumed. Again I turned on the PA system. I know my neighbors were rolling over laughing as much as I was.

The next day, I took my daily jog around the neighborhood. The dog owner was outside and I stopped to say hello. He asked me if I had heard the dogs barking "Jingle Bells." I told him, yes, and I was happy to hear them do it in harmony. Then I added, "I wonder if they'll keep it up during the year — say, New Year's and Easter." He said, "I hope not!"

Needless to say, it took only two more nights before he got the message. Yesterday, when I stopped by his place, he told me he had found a better home for his dog, with a loving child to play with.

Our poker game has the record of the Barking Dogs framed on the wall to remind us of the miracles of Christmas. Woof, woof — and a Merry Christmas to you and yours. — Santa's Helpers in California

Dear Santa's Helpers: Ho! Ho! Ho! I particularly like the fact that there is a happy ending for all concerned, including the dog — and I'll bet your letter stimulates record sales.

Dear Abby: Before he met me, my husband, "Stan," was involved with a crazy, alcoholic, self-centered woman. "Evelyn" has never been married, but she acts like she is Stan's ex-wife. She has never accepted the fact that he married me and not her.

She began making frequent crank calls to me at work shortly after the wedding. She follows me when I am alone. She has told everyone that Stan is impotent and has slandered my children. She even stole our family portrait from a studio that displayed it.

How can I get this crazy woman to leave me alone? I need help. — Stalked in North Carolina

Dear Stalked: You have my sympathy. She appears to be unbalanced. Notify the police that you are being stalked and obtain a restraining order. Then notify the phone company about the unwanted calls. If they can be traced to her, it is further proof of her harassment — and there is a way to block them.

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