All they really want for Christmas ...

Ask a smart politician what is on his or her holiday wish list and you'll get a lot of politically correct answers like, "Peace on earth." "A cleaner environment." "Jobs for everyone."

Mike Leavitt: Job security. A Bush loss in 2004 means goodbye EPA, goodbye Enlibra, and a ticket back to Utah to plot the next political move.

Orrin Hatch: That Mike Leavitt gets appointed permanent ambassador to Siberia to head off a possible 2006 mother-of-all Republican clashes.

Jim Matheson: A Salt Lake County landslide; more conservative voting opportunities; that his brother doesn't do anything stupid before November.

Scott Matheson Jr: Create a successful father/son/brother family political dynasty; that his brother doesn't do anything stupid before November.

Rob Bishop: A barber; plenty of distance from radioactive waste issues; a magnifying glass to read the fine print in appropriations bills.

Chris Cannon: That people stop calling him "Joe"; raise enough money to run a real campaign.

John Swallow: To be proclaimed the party's anointed (won't happen); that the second time is the charm.

Tim Bridgewater: A primary rematch against Swallow; that 2nd District voters choose only one Matheson (guess which one).

Utah Education Association: More highway money for Gov. Olene Walker to steal for education.

George Bush: Osama bin Laden; a jobs-creating economy.

Howard Dean: An amazing political transformation in which he emerges as a centrist the morning after the national Democratic convention.

Joe Lieberman: Long-handled pliers to yank the Gore knife from his back.

Hillary Clinton: A new travel agent that will get her to the war zone a day earlier; Bush victory in November.

Al Gore: No more hanging, dimpled or pregnant chads; a Bush victory in November.

Olene Walker: A little whispering in her ear to run again that sounds like the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing the Hallelujah Chorus (as Wayne Owens used to say).

Lane Beattie: A draft by the Utah business community to run for governor.

Utah Legislature: That Walker forgets those budget-announcement tricks she learned from Leavitt.