Change of heart

About Karl Malone's suspension for elbowing Steve Nash:

"Any guard that's stupid enough to go in and foul him — and I got a technical on that play because Nash did foul him, came across his arm and got away with it — knows he's gotten away with something, because Karl's going to protect the ball. Simple as that," Lakers' coach Phil Jackson told reporters the other night.

He added, "If (Malone) really wanted to get him, he would have really got him . . . "

Wait a minute.

Is this the same Phil Jackson who hinted regularly during the '97 and '98 NBA Finals that the Jazz were dirty?

My, my, mymymymymymymy.

How conveeeeeeenient.

Lights out

Bye-bye to the BCS system as we know it.

It is complicated, illogical, unfair and makes no sense.

Kind of like the electoral college.

Tickets available

A travel ad in Monday's Los Angeles Times said, "Official Sugar Bowl USC ticket package."

Cost: $2,199 per person, double occupancy.

You know, for all those LSU fans in Southern California.

Pricey entertainment

Most expensive out-of-this-world joyride: $20 million apiece for two rich guys to orbit the earth in a Soyuz spacecraft.

Most expensive inside-this-world joyride: the bobsled run at Utah Winter Sports Park.

A Web site advertising the thrill trip says anyone can roll down the track at 80 mph for just $200. It takes less than 60 seconds.

With two other riders, that adds up to $600 a minute.

What a coincidence! That's the same as the legal fees for Dave Johnson and Tom Welch!

Bye-bye Bonzi

The World According to Bonzi: a fine for making an obscene gesture at two Portland fans; a two-game suspension for swearing and demeaning the coach; a suspension for spitting on an opponent; a suspension for fighting with another opponent; a suspension and fine for bumping a referee.

And don't forget this Sports Illustrated quote, which also brought on a fine: "We're not really going to worry about what the hell (the fans) think about us. They really don't matter to us. They can boo us every day, but they're still going to ask for our autograph if they see us on the street. That's why they're fans, and why we're NBA players."

The Blazers finally traded Bonzi Wells to Memphis last week.

At last, Portlanders can use the line they've been waiting for: Bedtime for Bonzi.

And the other line: He didn't really matter to them.

Man of the people

If ever we needed proof former Laker Mark Madsen hasn't reached star status, consider this remark to the Los Angeles Times, upon his return to the Staples Center this week: "It was fun seeing a lot of the security guards, the ushers, everyone."

Keeping pace

In a column last week I mentioned Utah Valley State College's aspirations of someday having a football team.

Wrote one reader: "Then BYU would want one."