Perplexed? Just ask Mr. Know It All

Got questions, but no answers? Tired of calling those talk-show geeks? You've come to the right place. Mister Know It All, the brilliant sage-at-large, is back in our studios to take your calls. The lines are open.

Question: Recently, I read Mr. Robinson's assessment of the No Child Left Behind Law. In reality — as opposed to the make-believe world of Washington — is there anyone in education who can really meet the requirements of the No Child Left Behind Law?

Mister K: Yes, bus drivers. They'll have to honk the horn a few times, and maybe drag a few of them out of the house, but it can be done.

Question: I read that the No Child Left Behind law requires all children to achieve a C in math, science and English. What happens if someone gets an A or B?

Mister K: Sorry, that would leave a child behind. Everyone must get a C.

Question: Don't you think it's important that every student excel in English, math and science?

Mister K: According to recent discoveries, no. Take spelling, for instance, which has long been emphasized by fussy English teachers. It turns out that it's an overrated skill. A few thousand Internet Web sites are posting the following paragraph:

"Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe."

Actually, nobody knows if Cambridge had anything to do with this, but you get the idea. Memo to school kids: Don't worry your silly heads about those ABCs — or CBAs, whatever. From now on, I am giong to ingroe my sepll cehck.

Question: Recently, I noticed that the federal government is advertising — and I'm not making this up — its newly minted $20 bills on TV — "Safer. Smarter. More secure." I'm confused. Why would they advertise money? Do they have to coax people to go out and get some? If so, do you think the $20 bills will go on sale next spring?

Mister K: Apparently, interest in money has declined and people just aren't acquiring it like they used to. My recommendation: Do your part for the U.S. Treasury and pick up a sackful of those new $20 bills, now half off at a bank near you (void where prohibited; offer may vary in some states).