Being big spender has its rewards

In the name of journalism, I recently experienced a BYU football game the way people with money experience a BYU football game.

By this, I mean I ate chocolate-covered strawberries.

And baked salmon.

And barbecued ribs.

All at roughly the same time.

I did this while hanging out in a large, white tent just behind the northeast corner of the stadium, where "gold" members of the Cougar Club hang out.

And eat. I didn't see any hot dogs or hamburgers, but if I had, I wouldn't have bothered. There was roast beef, with a chef ready to cut me off as many slices as I wanted. Popcorn? Surely you jest. I ate some kind of fancy chicken smothered in sauce and rice.

There was a fountain that flowed — not with water — but chocolate.

White chocolate in one fountain, regular in the other. The idea, I learned after observing the veterans, was to stab a slice of fruit with a toothpick and hold it under the fountain till it was covered. The rest was easy.

It was all in a day's work. Somebody has to do it. And somebody does do it, provided he has spare cash and a serious devotion to BYU football.

As a gold member of the Cougar Club, you are entitled to park within a punt of the back gate and to rub shoulders with the type of people who have Cadillacs in their garages and videotapes of the '81 Miracle Bowl in their homes and think the world has gone downhill since 1984.

As a gold member, you can hang out in the tent before, during and after the game to graze between touchdowns (or interceptions and fumbles).

While you eat, you can watch other games on TV and listen to Tom Holmoe, the former Cal coach and BYU star, give a pregame scouting report, augmented by the actual videotapes that the coaches used to scout the opponents for the day's game. He also discussed some of the opposing team's tendencies and a lot of other stuff — I'm not sure, because I wasn't really listening. I was back at the chocolate fountain.

After you've had your fill at the pregame trough, you actually remember the reason you're here: dessert. Oh, wait, the game! You don't even have to leave the tent since you can watch the game on TV in here, and considering the way the Cougars are playing these days maybe you shouldn't.