By the way, nobody has figured out how any of this will be paid for. Essentially, the federal government ordered schools to do all of the above, and when somebody asked how, the feds said, "Search me." Anyone for a bake sale?

"Anybody with two brains cells to rub together can figure out that this is insane!" says Lily Eskelsen, secretary-treasurer of National Education Association. "It . . . can't . . . be . . . done!"

This law is the equivalent of telling a high school track coach that every one of his kids has to run under 12 seconds for 100 meters, including shot putters, discus throwers and pole vaulters. Even though Johnny weighs 100 pounds and runs a world record for 100 meters, he still has to throw the shot put 50 feet or else. Fat kids, skinny kids, slow kids — they all must hit the mark, because, as everyone knows, all kids have the same abilities.

"Everybody has to be good at these three things," says Eskelsen.

"An artist or a kid on the debate team or someone good at technology — none of that is on the test score."

Eskelsen, who spends about 200 nights a year on the road campaigning against No Child's Behind Left, or whatever it is, refers to the law as a "weapon of mass distraction." Teachers are so distracted by time spent giving these tests and meeting the law's requirements that they have less time for teaching, which means student performance falls, which means the teacher and school will be labeled failures.

By 2014, they'll share that distinction with the legislators and their pie-in-the-sky law.

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Doug Robinson's column runs on Tuesdays. E-mail drob@desnews.com.