ABUSE COUNSELING PUTS CLERGY ON SPOT

Religious leaders are simultaneously in a "tremendous position of weakness and of power" with their congregations, said a panel member at the third annual Advocacy for Children and Families at BYU Thursday.

That makes it especially tough when they have to deal with the circumstances of child abuse, said Rabbi Fedrick Wenger of the Congregation Kol Ami.In a Jewish congregation like his, said Rabbi Wenger, the leader is very often the last to become aware of the abuse "because people don't tell us or we're busy deluding ourselves" because the traditions of family are so sacred.

But it's everywhere, said the rabbi, even in Jewish communities where children are forced to live up to impossible standards with less and less family support.

Synagogues and communities must remove "the veil of secrecy," said Rabbi Wenger, "and provide a mechanism of child rearing education."

Once aware of abuse, depending on the religious affiliation, the priest or rabbi or bishop is under a legal obligation to report the abuse but at the same time, morally and ethically bound to try to protect both victim and perpetrator.

In some churches, the leader is bound to withhold the confidence, and that causes an additional burden of stress, said Rabbi Wenger.

And theologies confuse the victims, said Rev. David Butler, representing the Methodist Church. "Honor your parents, whatever that means," becomes a problem, said the Rev. Butler.

Leaders often see putting the family back together as their primary task, said Butler. And, he said, "while I do not believe forgiveness (of the abuser) is an inherent part of the process, religion teaches that is essential and the victim becomes revictimized."

A child who is hurt feels anger and "anger is bad so therefore I feel guilty so then I feel shame over the guilt and that intensifies the hurt."

In therapeutic communities, said the Rev. Butler, people are taught that all feelings are moral and not "bad." In religious communities, morality is based on the feelings.

The Rev. Butler said his personal priority with an abused child is to "protect the victim" and then "protect the victim" and after that, "protect the victim."

But doing so very often puts the religious leader at risk, he said, agreeing with Rabbi Wenger's remarks. People with the kind of power personalities who abuse are also very often in positions of leadership in the community and in church hierarchies.