THE DODGERS FAN A TRUE SPORTS PARTISAN OFFERS TIMELY TIPS ON HOW TO TAKE SIDES

With the Los Angeles Dodgers recently having been crowned Champions of the Galaxy (Baseball Division), a great many Deseret News readers will be looking enviously at those of us who are True Believers, wishing they, too, could become card-carrying members of the Los Angeles Dodgers Fan Club and Pasta-Eating Society. As bearer of Membership Card No. 0000000001, I am pleased to provide this case study in the public interest.

Certainly, you must have wondered how millions of Dodger fans got to be Dodger fans. And have you ever wondered how several dozen otherwise seemingly decent people ended up Giants fans? Probably you've wished many times that some wise, all-knowing person of exceptional good looks and charm would explain for you the laws of nature that produce not just Dodger fans and Giants fans, but also Cougar fans and Ute fans and Aggie fans.

Your answer is at hand: You see, mostly it goes back to your roots. Like, where are you from? Where did you go to school? What sports did you play in school? Which teams play nearest your home? And were you brainwashed by your dad?

There. Wasn't that easy? Ah, but what about the teams you really hate? How did that come to be? Well, you see, each of your favorite teams has certain natural enemies, right? If you like the University of Southern California (a k a USC), then you're obliged to loath the University of California at Los Angeles (better known as UCLA). If you root for the Banana Slugs you have to hate the Bivalve Mollusks.

Let me use True Dodger No. 0000000001 (my personal self) as an example. Your Humble and Most Obedient Servant was born in Idaho and grew up in Oregon. When he was 3 years old, his paternal father on his dad's side told him he could either be a True Dodger or move out of the house - the sort of reasoning and iron-clad logic that 0000000001 could readily understand and accept.

Later, Your Correspondent got a sheepskin at Cougarville in Provo, then moved to Los Angeles to get a master's degree at USC. While in California, he spent six years as a weekend warrior with the 185th Medium Slingshot Battalion. He stayed in the Los Angeles area for 15 years before accepting other work in Salt Lake City, where his boss turned out to be a Boston Red Sox fan.

And so His Esteemed Free-Lanceship stands before you today, a product of these eminently wholesome and edifying influences. In all modesty, I must add that I'm a Third-Degree-Black-Belt-Dodger-Fan, and also a Red Sox booster. I cheer for the Los Angeles Rams and the USC Trojans. I pull for the Lakers and the Jazz and the Celtics.