Know thyself and thy future in-laws

You saved up for an unfathomably expensive stone. You sucked every ounce of creative juice you had trying to think of and arrange the perfect proposal. You asked; she said "yes." So now what? Believe it or not, your work is just beginning.

A groom can approach his wedding day in two ways: No. 1. He can let his new fiancée tell him when the date is and make sure he shows up in a tux. No. 2. He can get involved with his newly declared life-mate and put some elbow grease into their first major co-project.

Between these two extremes every couple will find a level of groom-involvement that is comfortable for the to-be-marrieds and their families, but the sooner a groom can realize where he needs to fit in, the better. Wedding planning will be as different for every couple as the dynamics of each relationship.

Begin with the end in mind

If your wedding is going to turn out to be anybody's dream-day, there must first be a dream. Sit back, close your eyes (be sure to reopen them so you can keep reading) and let pictures of the perfect ceremony and reception drift through your brain. Did you just stare into the void? Some grooms do. The only part of the wedding reception they can fathom at all is leaving it.

"A wedding day is the bride's," said Jody Genessy, one of the last and greatest bachelors I know. "The honeymoon is the groom's." Single ladies, Genessy is available, e-mail me for details.

Jody and many other potential grooms feel exactly like Jody and fall into category No. 1. The No. 2 group, however, might actually have a vision of what the wedding ought to be. Whichever group a groom believes he fits, it is of upmost importance that he also know which group his bride thinks he falls into.

"She (the bride) should pick out stuff and the guy should agree," said newlywed Jennifer Bradford.

"I always thought it should be a joint thing," said my fiancée Shannon Strong. Make sure you know where your lady is coming from. If there is a conflict in the couple's view, then they have a golden opportunity to problem-solve together.

A third voice

There is another figure who looms large in the scheme of things, an honored and sometimes feared figure: the future mother-in-law.

One couple I know announced their wedding plans and two days later the reception hall was reserved, the photographer was selected, the florist was chosen and none of it was their doing.