Is your child a spoiled brat?

Published: Friday, July 10, 2009 9:09 a.m. MDT
 |  E-MAIL | PRINT | FONT + - 

The odds are good that nobody will call your child a spoiled brat. But someone might be thinking it.

Even the best-intentioned parents can have trouble telling a child "no" or not giving in to a well-staged tantrum.

Today, it's hard to imagine a time when children were "seen and not heard" and advice such as "spare the rod and spoil the child" was standard in child-rearing.

Some people now consider spanking children or scolding them in public as child abuse.

Indeed, it was a growing recognition of genuine child abuse in recent decades that led to a push for child protection and children's rights.

But has the pendulum swung too far?

"Parenting strategies changed quite a bit, from strict to almost lax," said Melanie Nelson, a child psychologist at the University of Oklahoma.

So, is society to blame for changing the rules? Or are the parents to blame for giving in to children who demand everything "right now"?

Elaine Fantle Shimberg, author of several books including "Blending Families" and "The Complete Single Father," says parents not only indulge their children but set the example.

Story continues below

"The kids who want what they want now are only following their parents who buy a flat-screen TV bigger than their neighbor's, a new car, bigger house, multiple handbags and shoes, and so on," Shimberg said.

"These parents have demonstrated that you don't have to wait regardless if you can pay for it or not, and immediate gratification is king."

If immediate gratification is king, then a sense of entitlement runs a close second.

In a world of quick fixes and instant pleasure, children with entitlement issues are everywhere -- making demands at the grocery store, bickering at birthday parties and setting their own rules with Mom and Dad, said Karen Deerwester, author of "The Entitlement-Free Child: Positive Parenting Solutions for Raising Confident and Respectful Kids."

But how do you combat this problem while building your child's confidence and self-esteem?

Simply put, parents can set limits.

"Kids need limits, and they appreciate having them," Nelson said. "Maybe not in the moment, but, all in all, they feel a lot safer and more secure if they have limits in their homes and they know where those boundaries are."

Many well-intended parents give their children too much, says Suzy Martyn, author of "Enjoying the Ride: Tools, Tips and Inspiration for the Most Common Parenting Challenges."

Some parents believe that by giving their children all they want, they're making up for what they didn't have as children themselves. Thus, they assume their children will be happier. But Martyn says the opposite is true.

Recent comments

Teaching your child to earn something that they want, wait for...

Anonymous | July 12, 2009 at 5:23 p.m.

My Husband's oldest brother is the perfect example of this issue. He...

Seeing results first hand | July 10, 2009 at 1:40 p.m.

Yea it's no wonder that so many kids have NO RESPECT for adults at...

Anonymous | July 10, 2009 at 12:28 p.m.

previousnext

Latest comments

We can barely afford the power we pay for now. We turn off all our lights,...

Yes @mark, and you did not respond to any, not one, of Greenfyre's challanges.

Sheepman fighting to save flock

First of you must know nothing about sheep dogs - they can not train the dogs...

Yes to a few specific provisions but very much a no to this rancid bill and...

5 questions with Eddie Wide

If you've watched the guy play he's pretty explosive, I've been impressed by...

They are trained to know the difference between humans and predators. But on...

I also agree about "Fantastic Mr. Fox". Its style really "clicked" with me,...

Todd how true. Most fans are content and understandable and ok losing to a...

Y. profs: Beck not all-knowing

I can't believe that everyone is bashing these BYU professors. Have you even...

Glenn, may hold his convictions to be true. But he has a machiavelian system...

Advertisements