Dear Jeri: Your suggestion is an excellent one, and you are sweet to share it with my readers. Your statement about long-term memory is true — and another effective way to stimulate it is through music. A gift older relatives might enjoy would be discs or tapes of popular music from the '40s and '50s. That, too, should lead to some interesting topics of conversation.

Dear Abby: When inviting someone to a famous restaurant for a birthday celebration, is it appropriate to mention its dress code? One family member took it as an insult and that I was implying she doesn't know how to dress appropriately. (She always looks lovely when she goes out.) Because of it, she refused to attend the party, and it has caused an uncomfortable rift in the family.

— No Offense Intended in Missouri

Dear No Offense Intended: Sometimes it isn't what you say, but the way it is phrased that can offend someone. From my perspective, warning a guest in advance that a restaurant has a strict dress code is doing the person a favor. While few establishments have one anymore, this could prevent confusion or embarrassment when the group arrives.

However, because your relative felt insulted, in the interest of family harmony, extend an apology. If she doesn't accept it, the problem then becomes hers.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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