If I cannot tell these things about my own husband and must rely on him to tell me how he feels, how on earth can I judge the ability of all those strangers I pass — and pass judgment on — nearly every day?

We are in many ways a harsh society, quick to judge others against standards that may not even be relevant. It is driven in part by one of our best traits, a kind of can-do mentality. And the push to give people skills to care for themselves, rather than just hoist them on your shoulders and haul them around, for the most part is a very good thing.

But the fact that you cannot see congestive heart failure or chronic fatigue syndrome or the result of a traumatic brain injury, that you cannot splint Alzheimer's or depression or cancer, does not mean that the debilitating effects are not real. And that's well worth remembering.

Deseret News staff writer Lois M. Collins may be reached by e-mail at lois@desnews.com. Follow her on Twitter at loisco.