In cards and life, Dad deals out surprises

Here's the thing about people. No matter how long you've known them — LIKE ALL YOUR LIFE, FOR EXAMPLE — they can still surprise you.

Take what happened the other night.

A bunch of us were sitting around the table at the rented beach house playing cards with my dad when suddenly he says to my sister-in-law, "Dealing cards that way will get you shot."

She was dealing to her right, and this information was, needless to say, startling. And possibly alarming.

To all of us! People get shot playing cards in rented beach houses? Who knew!

The next time my sister-in-law dealt, you better believe she dealt to her left.

Later, when it was my nephew's turn to divvy up the deck, my dad said, "Dealing your cards that way will get you shot."

My nephew was dealing to his left (non-shootable offense), but(!) he WAS dealing to himself first (completely totally justifiably shootable offense).

The game continued until someone else dealt a card face up. It was accidental — I know because I was there and saw what happened with my own two eyes.

The card fluttered and flipped in transit from dealer to dealee. Still. You can predict what happened next.

"Dealing your cards that way will get you shot," my dad said.

And later, when one of the grandkids dealt cards from the bottom of the deck, my dad said once again, "Dealing your cards that way will get you shot."

So! In review!

These are the things that will apparently get you shot when it comes to dealing cards — information which I am happy to pass along to you totally free of charge. (Yes. I know. V. generous of me.)

1. Dealing to your right.

2. Dealing to yourself first.

3. Dealing your cards face up.

4. Dealing from the bottom of the deck.

5. Singing Barry Manilow songs while dealing.

OK. This last rule came from my brother, and HE IS SO RIGHT.

I hummed a few bars of "Copacabana" (Her name was Lola! She was a showgirl! With yellow feathers in her hair! And a dress cut down to there!) and I can totally promise you that pretty much everybody in the rented beach house felt like shooting me.

Anyway.

Yellow feathers and Barry Manilow are NOT the point. The point is I had no idea that my dad has such a deep and abiding knowledge of Card Dealing Protocol.

Who knows how he came by it?

Was he Bart Maverick in a previous life? If it were possible for anybody to be Bart Maverick in a previous life, I'd vote for my dad.

He has charm, and (figuratively speaking) he's quick on the draw.

But OK. I am very clear on the fact that Maverick is a fictional character from a fictional world where dealing cards the wrong way will get you shot.

Still. I appreciate my dad's eagerness to watch our backs by sharing this information with the people he loves best.

Thanks, Dad, for everything. Especially the surprises.

e-mail: acannon@desnews.com